Monday, November 8, 2010

Reflection from an Aspirant

There’s a lot of movements now here in my heart, movements that I can’t detail in words, I can’t even explain it thoroughly, but one thing I can surely say “it makes me feel better”. These movements in my heart may speak of gratitude for all those experiences and good discernment I’ve had on Vocation Workshop at CMCL, Duenas Iloilo. The CM Sisters done their job so well in explaining and guiding me to listen on God’s message in discerning my vocation. I came to CMCL with a decision not to continue my vocation in religious life. For almost two years stayed here in my family and going back to the life which I gave-up for Aspirancy last year 2008, made me realized how broken I am, eventhough I enjoy being here but there’s no such thing as fulfilment at the end of the day, I woke up everyday without a good direction, just work, mall, house, laptop and bed. Seeing the faces of old aged CM Sisters in LaPaz, makes me say “I’m afraid of getting old, getting old without direction”. Seeing their faces and those smiles makes my heart beat so fast and only one word that came to my mind, FULFILMENT. I want to sleep with completion and to wake up with a smile, looking forward to a new day, I want to wake up for the common good, “gusto ko bumangon para sa lahat”, and CM Sisters made me realized this. Sr. Tita and Sr. Merly helps me a lot in having a courage to face those hindrances, Sr. Di, Sr. Venie, Sr. Rya, Sr. Carmel, Sr. Gen, Sr. Marlyn and other Sisters inpires me a lot from singing to dancing, guts and uniqueness, kulitan at balitaktakan and the beautiful scenery of CMCL, especially on sunrise, its really Gods hidden gift. I love having my morning praise in there and the celebration of the Eucharist, the songs and the sounds of guitar still on my mind…naku! talagang nabola mo na naman ako Sr. Dedith, I can’t imagine I said “Yes” once again, it’s a decision done by my heart with His grace and makes me at peace, I’m happy with it, ang sarap-ang sarap sa puso. Talagang na bighani mo ako Sr. Di, e talaga nga naman naka-ka-bighani ang buhay CM. Naku! nagayuma yata ako..heheheh.. I know that you really know that I’m in-love with CM, noon pa. I can still remember that I always go with you for out of town search-in, I didn’t know why I’m so attracted on it, I really love it.
All those experiences I had in CMCL plays a vital role in my vocation, especially the Confession, its like my bolang krystal, I always find myself looking back on it, at doon ako humuhugot ng lakas talaga, its really good having a life and giving a chance to renew life with the people who hurt me and whom I hurt.. My new life begins at the moment I’ve forgiven myself. For all of this THANK YOU!!!..Iba talaga ang “Karisma” ng CM!!! naka-ka-bali ng desisyon….heheheh..which I truly appreciate! LISTEN, is my key, and Prayers sustain me

Mayessa Tibudan
CM-Live Out Aspirant

No comments: