Friday, September 26, 2008

Day after day...

Day after day… in the hospital…
June 28, 2005, Morning and afternoon I was going back and forth to San Camillo Hospital Forlanini. I was asked to do the following tests before the treatment: blood test, urine test, cardiography, radiography, bone scan, etc. I came home dizzy and tired. It was my first time to have series of check up in my life. I had never been hospitalized like this. I was pretty well and believed strong enough with my health. And here we go the “knob turns to the left” and I had to accept the reality that it can happen to me as it happened to anyone struck with cancer.
On the other hand, I had been reflecting upon so many things. I began to appreciate life and it’s importance. I saw life in our elder sisters who are still in good health and I consider it a gift from the Lord to have good health up to their age and in the life of the young, the junior sisters I was accompanying. Too, I began to feel how much a sick person is undergoing so much pain, struggle and the desire to be healed and to restore back one’s health. I began to understand how a cancer patient feel the insecurity whether you will survive or not. I began to feel compassion towards the sick people and I become aware of how much love and support a sick person needs.
On my part, during these days, I experienced a tremendous love and concern of everyone especially my sisters from the general council and my filipina sisters. I felt their love and support. I also experienced God’s gentle hand and compassion through the doctors and nurses who accommodated me in the hospital every time I went through the series of analysis.
One day a thought dawn on me, they did this because they knew I am sick. I doubted the love they gave to me. But then I said, I need to accept the truth of God’s love through them and that is all.
When I attended the Mass one day, the first reading spoke about Joseph in Egypt. He was sold by his brothers. When famine came, the brothers went to Egypt. Joseph on his part did not do them harm, rather he saw the event where the hand of God was present and saved him and preparing him to save his family from famine. I find it so beautiful how Joseph communicated to me the attitude of seeing everything in God’s hands and plans. I can sense the goodness of God in Joseph. And I felt how deep is God’s goodness and love to me for which I can not fathom. Joseph saw the hand of God in that event and he treated his brothers kindly. Thus, in my sickness, I saw the hand of God in it and I wish to keep on with a good disposition with gratitude to Jesus because I do believe He will never leave me alone. His hand is holding me and my life is in His hands. As the song goes, “and He will raise me up on Eagle’s wings…and hold me in the palm of His hands”

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